This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
