I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I am midnight drunk by noon
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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