I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
