i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
