How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
