imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
