Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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