so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
