The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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