I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
