Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize