tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
