A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
