He felt like a one man threesome
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
you made out with another girl for some wings
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
