Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
