K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
