why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
