You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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