I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
