he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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