This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
