theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
