i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
