the condom got lost in my hair
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
