Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
