Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
