at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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