Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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