Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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