she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
