Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
