I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
