u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
