I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
