glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This baby is an asshole
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
