Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
