if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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