You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
