He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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