we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
