I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
