I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
