i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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