My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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