So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
