btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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