Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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