well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Drunk is not a location!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
