Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
