I wish I could punch you in the face.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
