Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
