My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Rumble strips road head = magical
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My penis needs a shock collar
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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