the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wish you could order shots online.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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