Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
