Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think my fart just growled at me.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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