My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize