Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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