she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
