I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
