please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
