I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
