I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
