Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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