There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's shark week go big or go home
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
