Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
