Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
