Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
