I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize