Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
