Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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