felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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