i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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