Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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