i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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