Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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