You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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