I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Mom said you looked used
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
