i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
