So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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