: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
