i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize