Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
