My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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