I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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