4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i think i have two assholes
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
