Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
