:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize